I feel like an eagle.
Soaring through cutting, cold air that stings.
Soaring through mountain crevices that are caving in.

Escaping freedom.
Trapped in isolation.

This is how I feel.
Lonely, cold.

Lately,

Everywhere I look,

People are turning a blind eye to the meaning of love.

Generations are jumping into a sea of selfishness, drowning in loneliness, depending on independence while living in total fragility.

Trust

God needs me to love Him... And let Him love me... Before anything.

Devine Answers.

I got an answer to a life problem, as written about in the previous blogpost.

It is an answer from the one I should have consulted right away.

See... I don't need to be dwelling on this so-felt sorrow by the loss of a so-assumed love... Because God has everything in control. He holds the universe. He holds the stars.
How could I doubt that he has my life in his hands.
How could I forget?

Renewing Thoughts:

Obviously God has someone for me.
Out there.
In this big, vast world I am awaiting to explore.
I need to let go, and let God guide.

Feeling pain is necessary in love. Its like what germs are to building up an immune system.

I have learned things over the past few years.
I've cracked bits of this shell.
I've hatched.
If opening my heart and getting it burned a little was necessary, then so be it.

God has a reason for everything, no matter how hard the circumstance may be. I am at that point that if I do not come to know the reason to this specific situation until after this life of mine has been lived, than its all for the better.

Gods love is more rich than any other I have been given.... I shouldn't be so quick to forget it.
It's hard to hold on, when the illusions of the real world superficially blind us.

At this point he just needs to me trust.

And boy, do I know it.

In everything I am being tested to trust a God I cannot physically see.

His romance is sweeter than any other I have known though.

The words.
The music.
The sky.
The sea.

That is the romance I will trust to be the waves beneath my ship.

Silence.

I thought I'd worked it out and gotten over you.

But see... I still can't seem to stop thinking about you.

And you probably don't even know I've liked you since forever a three years ago.

Now we barely talk.

And I should probably walk away.

But I don't know how.

I don't know how to shut someone out, who helped me open up my heart in the first place.

What Is Love?

I want to take all the Pain you feel
And free you from it

I want you to embrace the music of nature and the Sun
The way that I do

So that you do not feel the Pain

I would trade it with you
Just to see you smile

Because I love you,
And I am disgusted with the Pain that forcibly strops you
Blackening your tears

I am coming to that clearing on a mountain, where I will be in utter abandonment to what God has in store for me.

I am still hidden beneath the shadows of the trees.
I am still nervous about losing all control, and giving it to the Sun in the sky...

But I am still walking... Trusting that His love is on my side.

"I dreamt we walked together along the shore. We made satisfying small talk and laughed. This morning I found sand in my shoe and a seashell in my pocket. Was I only dreaming?" 

-Maya Angelou 

"In My Veins" - Andrew Belle

Thinking.

Even if I was working out my passions-- making money by doing what I love to do best-- I would still have something to complain about because:

A. I am not perfect.
B. Nobody is perfect.
C. I have these ideas of perfection that I want to work out, but are impossible to apply during this time.

God can perfect things. That I know.

But I think because of reasonings A & B, we subject these ideas of ours to battery and abuse.

We abuse our perfect ideas by denying that we have mistakes/faults.

(Subconsciously knowing we are not perfect at all?--> therefore unable to completely accept the consequences of being wrong; or the wanting to suppress feelings that come from being wrong.)

Then again, because we are not perfect, our own judgements may be incorrect and extremely faulty... Because we do not know the truth of perfection.

God knows.

But we do not.



Much to think about.

I'm looking for you.

Across the lake, to the mountains and in the lavender-lit grey-time sky.

Beneath the benches of solitude.

In the trees.
In the trees.
In the trees.

Come and find me.

DeckPhotages

Check out my Facebook photography page ! :) Would love to start doing some free photoshoots! Contact me via a message on Facebook, or through email: deckphotages@gmail.com

http://www.facebook.com/DeckPhotages

Ricocheted.

It's not fair that all you've left me with are bare sentiments; fragments, even, of: friendship... of life... of love.

It's not fair that all I had known of bitterness had been released when I met you...
and now a piece of that new joy I found has been snapped back.

This new life I had discovered has been snapped back.

Like you took all the happiness I found... and decided to keep it for yourself.

I miss you.
I miss smiling because of your smile.
I miss knowing that there was always someone who was on my side, even if I was wrong.

You always had a way of telling me I was wrong, yet making me feel like I had the right idea.

You have no idea.


I miss having a friend. 


I really do.

And now all I do is drink tea and make pancakes look pretty.
Something's missing.

Maybe it's you.

Or maybe it's just the part of me that I lost along the way to life.

I could be doing so much more than sitting here blogging about how much I miss friendship.
I should be doing so much more than sitting here blogging about how much I miss friendship.

That's it.

Confessions of a Tea-oholic

Loose-leaf tea is the way to go. Never going back to tea bags.

I get my black tea from Sri Lanka-- bulk. :) Benefits of having family connections overseas, in some of the best tea capitals of the world.

If getting loose-leaf tea is hard to come by from wherever you're at, I highly recommend Dilmah tea bags.

:)

Go find yourself some healthy addictions !

#Tea #Tea #Tea !!!

The Kind of Advice Dad Gives Me That Brings Tears To My Eyes.

"Once you've done everything right, know in your heart it was right... don't be fumbled by others ignorance, disapproval, or negativity. Keep moving on... don't let your heart be hardened... but definitely your skin be thicker..."

-John Silva

My Dad's advice + his broken English = Golden. 

I love him so much. 

The Emotional State of Hypocrisy is in Your Hands.

Friendship is not supposed to be thrown around hotly by emotions. The art of camaraderie must be mastered articulately. Until you realize how important soul is over emotions (the difference between how you interact with friendship as opposed to relying on all emotions), you will continue to run around in circles hurting people and fogging up lives with confusion. Learn what honour is, and fight to use it; don't throw it out and sacrifice your own happiness for it. Chasing lust and using lies is only using the tools of an ignorance and a hypocrisy you have mastered that is now beginning to carve misery into your heart.

Little Brown Julia Child.

Lately I've really been into "french cooking." I put on my half apron, flip open my edition of "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" by Julia Child, Louisette Bertholle, and Simone Beck and pick a recipe.

Most of the time I have all of the ingredients. I've found the French have a way of incorporating a lot of my favourite vegetables into fancy dishes.

Julia Child makes European cooking seem less bland, more healthy (I said "seem" for a reason; think about all that butter! Hahaha), and exciting.

Such French cooking endeavours of mine include Potage Parmentier et Aubergines Farcies Duxelles.  

Bon Appetit ! 

Listen To This

"Hall of Fame" - The Script ft. will.i.am 

Bliss

I can't help but think that when my mum was my age she was in a very steady relationship with my father by now, a year away from marriage.

And I am still a bird at flight.

I have much of the world to see. And plans that I've made.

I also can't help but think that sooner than I feel, God's going to send my special person my way, just in time to remind me that I am not the one who is in control of making plans.

And everything will fall out of my hands and fall into a place of utter contentment.

Glimpse.

Once upon a time, I was in the ninth grade-- first day of high school-- riding on the school bus for the first time.

I was an awkward, silent kid.

A boy one year my senior sat next to me and almost immediately put his hand on mine which was resting on the top of the seat in front of me.

I was shocked. And sort of glarishingly looked up at him; he chuckled, backed off and apologized.

I will always remember this boy.

Every time I see him we always awkwardly turn away, for we only spoke during the acquainting of such a procession.

Today I saw him in the library and we both paused recognizing the other.

I looked away and my face probably went beet red. Even though I am brown, when I blush (which is not often) it is always noticeable, so my friends say.


I don't usually like sharing such personal stories of mine, but for some reason I felt the need to write about this one.

Who knows.

Maybe it proves that my life is at the least a little entertaining. Sometimes I forget about the little things in life. Don't. It drains out the excitement and beauty of it all.

Embarrassment is good for the heart and excellent food for thought. ;)

Sleep Walking?

I do the strangest things when jet-lagged or sick and sleepy. Last night, I sat right up and like morphing out of my dream I began looking for ice cream at the base of my bed, in my purse, or maybe it was hidden in my blankets. I even turned on the lights looking for a box of ice cream. My dog looked at me like I was nuts. Then I have up, shut the lights and went back to sleep.

I woke up the next morning and remembered all of this and shook my head.

Like how weird right.

Three years ago, second night in Sri Lanka, I was aroused in the wee hours by loud thumping sounds in the roof. I seriously opened my eyes and said, "It's raining coconuts," and went back to sleep. Turns out it was a mongoose goin crazy fighting another mongoose in the attic. In Sri Lanka, it is not uncommon for such things to occur. :)

All to say.....

It really is the little things in life :)