Silence.

I thought I'd worked it out and gotten over you.

But see... I still can't seem to stop thinking about you.

And you probably don't even know I've liked you since forever a three years ago.

Now we barely talk.

And I should probably walk away.

But I don't know how.

I don't know how to shut someone out, who helped me open up my heart in the first place.

I Love Autumn

This season comes with so many feelings. It is both warm and cold. The leaves are bright and happy... though the sky is grey.

The other night a good friend invited me out to a worship night at a nearby college. It was wonderful. I looked out the window at one point and realized that though it was cold out at the time, just a few hours ago it had been a warm afternoon. Things are changing drastically. We haven't had weather this bizarre since 1945, says the local newspaper.

But as I looked into the night sky brazed by the fog... I thought about God.
God's picture must be like the sky. Sometimes I like to think of his eyes being the universe in it's entity.
The sky is always changing, and in yet some sense it is consistent. It is always there. It isn't always what we want it to be, but it's what we need it to be.

We haven't had rain in weeks.

We don't necessarily like the rain.

Nonetheless we need it immensely. The grass is brittle and the air is quite dry.

I was figuring during worship that God is quite a mystery in a sense, because we have not physically seen Him. I trust He is there. That is what faith is for. I know He is because of the feelings and happenings that have occurred over the past few months especially where I have felt His presence.

Faith is difficult to explain unless you have experienced it...so I shall not ramble too much on that note. Just this: the other day I was talking about someone dear to my heart... and I said something that my heart must have known for the past two years for sure, but has just now put words to. "Faith is an experience of enlightenment that no human can touch. It is in a place so deep within our souls that only the Enlightener can handle."

Back to what I was saying.

I love autumn. Specifically Autumn 2012. I have seen sunshine and felt cold and witnessed the changing of colours upon the beautiful trees. I do not despise the falling of leaves. It kind of reminds me of the natural state of things. Trees without leaves. Nothing to disguise their backbone or structure.

I love autumn because it's all the best wrapped into one phase. God's beauty is everywhere. Is unique persona. His mystery. It's in the clouded skies and the blank blue paint of a brisk morning.

It is an experience I wish to savour.

It is just beauty.

She stared into his big eyes and in that moment felt like the world was one of the happiest places on earth. The air was light and the sun was bright. She smiled and poured those beautiful secrets into his eyes.

But were those eyes a trap for so many more? How often did he trade happiness for innocence?

She pondered upon such a meditation for quite a while, and realized that letting go might have to be an option.

Such a hard thing to do, it would have to be.

And she burst into tears, hiding herself away into the music of the night. Whispers from the rain and secrets buried within her pillow captured her mind, as dreams drew a blank and fatigue engraved wonder and questions in her eyes.

Invest In An Umbrella, Folks.

The rainy season has arrived.

Today, I will admit, I did grumble just a tad as I had to walk home with about 20pounds on my back. I honestly do not understand why these teachers must load us with papers and textbooks. Do they do it just to take pure enjoyment and laugh as their lessons disfigure our backs?

In any case, I had walked for about 15 minutes, before I realized I had left something in my locker. So....I walked all the way back.
Whence forth, came the groans.
Usually I don't mind walking home. I rather do enjoy it, but I think the idea of retracing my steps turned out to be quite the downer.

Anywho, I walked home and fed the fish. Then, I decided it would be best to walk to the library. :)
Oh, how I love going to the library on such rainy days as these. 
But, today I had to not only walk home with my back pack...but also to the library, due to certain circumstances.
More grumbles.


The thing is, God always has this way of putting things into perspective for me. I was walking past Safeway, and a middle-aged woman with no umbrella, walked past me with the faintest of smiles upon her face. I can tell you right now, that is not an easy thing to do when you're caring about 5 heavy bags of groceries.
So I took time to meditate on the fact that, I don't have it as hard as I think I do. In fact, most of us have it way too easy.

The next time you open your mouth to complain about something, I dare you to put it into perspective.

There is probably someone around the world facing much more than a heavy backpack full of education items...that a lot of children in any third world country would die for.

Goodbye Grade 11.

Well. You guys.
We did it.
We finished our first year of IB.
One more year.

You know, today, it finally hit me like a unicorn falling from the sky. Not the concept of summer (noting that the rain has not ceased), but the concept that....I have to get going on making my prom dress, start thinking about scholarship opportunities, look through college and uni brochures, make sure I'm on the right track, put some extra effort into the extra courses I'm going to be taking, definitely go harder and push myself with my piano, write more.....aaaaaaaaaaah *migraine.

Sometimes I wonder what my life could have turned out to be...if I had focused on one core area. Like the arts. What if I had continued piano at age 5? Would I be thinking about Juilliard right now?
Not gonna lie...I think Juilliard would be a lot of fun...wouldn't mind going there. But chances are that won't happen.

What if I was super brilliant? Would I be thinking about Ivy League schools?

Truth is...I don't know what I'm really good at. I'm sure the average kid doesn't. We're all over the map....and I don't understand why everyone wants to know what I'm going to university for. I don't understand why so many adults make a face when I say that I have absolutely no idea what I want to be "when I grow up," because to them, I am grown up, and these 11 years of education prepping should have prepared me for this disastrous, wonderful, life-changing, big question. Are you ready to graduate?

Maybe I'll sing and play piano for life. Maybe I'll become a Chemist, ironic since up until Semester II grade 11, I've always been disgusted with science. Maybe I'll live by my pen and travel the world with notebooks, canvas, paint, and a Nikon D3100.
Maybe I'll go to uni, get a BA, marry the prince of my dreams, and adopt a billion teens so that we can all live in my dream home.
Maybe I'll finish high school, fall in love with YWAM, and rearrange all my plans.
Maybe I'll travel...and travel....and travel just to rub it in fears face that nothing is impossible.....that I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.

Pshht....I have no idea what my future holds. Nothing. Notta.
The world tells me that I've gotta have it figured out by the end of this summer.
Heck, they want that figured out right now.
LOL. They wanted it written, signed, and vowed upon, post-Planning 10.

But, reader, I think the best advice I can offer for a situation like this...is we'll never know what we truly want. We live in a world full of incredible opportunities. Don't let anyone tell you what you cannot do. Follow your dreams and live life to the fullest.
That's what I plan on doing.

Goodbye Grade 11. Hello Senior Year.
Kind of a scary thought. I'm not sure what this year is gonna bring. I don't know what I'll be given, or what I'll choose. All I know is, that God's got my future planned out....I'll just have to follow my dreams in order to get there. Whatever it is....it'll be fulfilling, purposeful, engaging, and I'll absolutely love it.

We have to make our own path. I don't want to be like everyone else. I don't want to follow your dreams....that's why I have my own.
I want to leave high school, knowing that I made some sort of difference....and I want to go into this real world, knowing that I have a purpose to fulfill, and a mark to make upon the earth.


Here's to you, fellow grad victims of 2012.

We're not like everyone else. We have our own stories to tell, and new chapters to make.

No Regrets.


xoxo
jazzypants
silvader.

Blogger's Challenge Day 10

Oh how I do love today. It's been quite a great day really. A good day for pictures...visuals...art....
And now this. :) Oh how I do love music. How I do love today!

When I am happy, I love to listen to:
"Marching Bands of Manhatten" by Death Cab For Cutie
"Black And Yellow" Cover by Tyler Ward
"Buildings and Mountains" by The Republic Tigers
"Violet Hill" by Coldplay
"Oh Happiness" by David Crowder Band
"London By Night" by Frank Sinatra
"L-O-V-E" by Nat King Cole

When I am sad, I listen to:
"Keep It Together" by Tyler Ward and The CO
"Blessing In The Storm" by Kirk Franklin
"Transatlanticism" by Death Cab For Cutie

When I'm bored, songs usually include:
 "Clap Your Hands" by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah <--I don't care if you're bored or not, you need to watch that video >.<
"This is Not a Competition" by Bloc Party
"Where it's At" Beck

^that's all a bunch of Britpop. ;)

When I'm HYPED I can be seen rockin out to:
haha "Black And Yellow" Cover by Tyler Ward.... ;)
"Monster" by Skillet (the title probably sounds like it should be under the list of music I listen to when I'm mad...but.... ;) this is like, my favooourite song. ever. i listen to it when i feel like moshing)
"Awake and Alive" by Skillet
"Whispers in the Dark" by Skillet
...more Skillet stuff... ;)

And...when I'm mad I listen to:
"Regime Change" by Disciple I actually saw them in concert. I think they're quite awful actually. I don't listen to this song very often.... (gives a smug sort of look). No. Seriously. :)
"Better Than Drugs" by Skillet


Honestly, there is not enough space to list every song I absolutely love. HENCE, the bar on the right side. Feel free to scroll through it. It has every band on record that I am in love with. True love.
Best music ever.
Yep.

See ya.
Jazzerz.

day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
day 2- the meaning behind your blog name
day 3- a picture of you as a child
day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have
day 5- a picture of somewhere you've been
day 6- favourite super hero and why

day 7- a picture of someone/something that has had the biggest impact on you
day 8- short term goals for this month and why

day 9- something you're proud of in the past few days 

day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad

day 11- write a bucket list of things you want to do before you die
day 12- write a poem to someone you love
day 13- your 5 favorite books and why
day 14- a picture of you and your family
day 15- put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
day 16- a picture of yourself
day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have
day 19- write about a sweet memory from your past
day 20- write a letter to someone
day 21-a picture of something that makes you happy
day 22- what makes you different from everyone else
day 23- something you crave a lot
day 24- post your favorite quote or verse of scripture and why
day 25- what I would find in your bag
day 26- list 10 things that you are thankful for
day 27- my day job verses my passion
day 28- cruise a thesaurus and pick out 10 words you like the sound of
day 29 - favorite tv shows and why you like them
day 30 - movies you can watch again and again.

An Excerpt from "6 Billion Others: Portraits of Humanity from Around the World"

"I remember when we were kids, I had friends whose parents had an attic. There was a bed there, and we spent all day in the attic with an old geography atlas. We made the bed into a plane. We'd all jump on it and take off, taking the atlas with us. We'd travel to South America, we'd fly over Amazonia, we'd go to Canada. We made up stories flying everywhere while staying in the attic."
~Alain, lives in France


{An Excerpt from "6 Billion Others: Portraits of Humanity from Around the World" A Project by Yann-Arthus-Bertrand in association with GoodPlanet Realized by Sibylle d'Orgeval and Baptiste Rouget-Luchaire.}

Blogger's Challenge Day 08

Short Term Goals for This Month.


1. To fill out applications and get another job. I babysit and deliver papers...but am in need of another income. :)
2. To work out everyday. 30 days straight is supposed to kick into a habit. We'll see what happens. :)
3. If I want to get through my New Years Resolutions, I will have to finish that French song I started writing.
4. Post a video of me singing.
5. Not straighten my hair as much. I love Teyana Taylor's hair (see picture below), and though I know my hair will never look like this....I want to get it as close to this as possible. :) I.E. No more straightening of the hair.

day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
day 2- the meaning behind your blog name
day 3- a picture of you as a child
day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have
day 5- a picture of somewhere you've been
day 6- favourite super hero and why

day 7- a picture of someone/something that has had the biggest impact on you
day 8- short term goals for this month and why

day 9- something you're proud of in the past few days
day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad
day 11- write a bucket list of things you want to do before you die
day 12- write a poem to someone you love
day 13- your 5 favorite books and why
day 14- a picture of you and your family
day 15- put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
day 16- a picture of yourself
day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have
day 19- write about a sweet memory from your past
day 20- write a letter to someone
day 21-a picture of something that makes you happy
day 22- what makes you different from everyone else
day 23- something you crave a lot
day 24- post your favorite quote or verse of scripture and why
day 25- what I would find in your bag
day 26- list 10 things that you are thankful for
day 27- my day job verses my passion
day 28- cruise a thesaurus and pick out 10 words you like the sound of
day 29 - favorite tv shows and why you like them
day 30 - movies you can watch again and again.

Blogger's Challenge Day 01.

15 Facts 

I love Britain. Never have I been to this place...but I am in love with British accents, ancient British buildings, British comedy, and British music.

I rock out to several different genres of music {I can't just choose one} ~~indie (rock/pop/techno/folk), normal rock, britpop, alternative, hip hop, classical, piano, jazz....INDIE!~~

I love to eat and cook exotic foods.

I am Sri Lankan.

I love to write, and have recently begun to do so in French. 

I paint abstract.

I write metaphorical songs.

I absolutely love astronomy. The stars...the universe...they fascinate me. 

I read a lot. Pretty much any genre.

I hate scary movies. My idea of scary: Deja Vu, Inception, Shutter Island...etc. Things that are a battle of the mind kind of creep me out. I'm getting over it though. 

I love to dance, though I've never taken lessons.

I am absolutely obsessed with Star Wars. Yoda is my hero. 

I play the piano, recorder, know a little saxaphone, a little guitar, and have experimented with a harmonica and want to learn the banjo because weird instruments are the coolest most unique things ever. Anything that's "different" and wouldn't be used by artists in the Billboard Top 100 are things I am completely interested in. 

I wear turquoise eye shadow, and don't care what the prepsters think. 

I have no idea what I'm going to be when I grow up, but I trust the God who breathed air into my lungs. I owe it all to Him...for He knows the plans He has for me.....plans to prosper...and not to harm. Plans to give me hope and a future. {{Jeremiah 29:11}}

day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
day 2- the meaning behind your blog name
day 3- a picture of you as a child
day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have
day 5- a picture of somewhere you've been
day 6- favorite super hero and why
day 7- a picture of someone/something that has had the biggest impact on you
day 8- short term goals for this month and why
day 9- something you're proud of in the past few days
day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad
day 11- write a bucket list of things you want to do before you die
day 12- write a poem to someone you love
day 13- your 5 favorite books and why
day 14- a picture of you and your family
day 15- put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
day 16- a picture of yourself
day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have
day 19- write about a sweet memory from your past
day 20- write a letter to someone
day 21-a picture of something that makes you happy
day 22- what makes you different from everyone else
day 23- something you crave a lot
day 24- post your favorite quote or verse of scripture and why
day 25- what I would find in your bag
day 26- list 10 things that you are thankful for
day 27- my day job verses my passion
day 28- cruise a thesaurus and pick out 10 words you like the sound of
day 29 - favorite tv shows and why you like them
day 30 - movies you can watch again and again.

May The Force Be With You

That's what I've entitled my latest penciled drawing. It started out as a sketch, but I like Yoda green. :)
It's not too bad.....I guess.
Maybe I'll post it later.
Maybe.
I need to colour the background first though.

"I've Been Keeping My Eyes Wide Open....I've Got My Mind Wide Open....."

~Switchfoot

Since my last blogpost I've been attempting to make each moment I live....actually come alive. The most distinct sounds awaken the falling stars. Airplanes hovering above the city, crickets chirping, wind blowing--it all adds up to a bewildering paint. I've discovered new metaphorical colours to distinguish the unknown. (i.e. I'm expanding the horizons of what I've always known and drawing what I've been afraid to.)
Need a Piece of Advice? Learn a new language. (Or at least try. :P It doesn't matter if you never finish; I've tried 4-5 times. I only speak English fluently....and I'm being forced to learn French) Listen to music you hate. Read books you don't feel like touching. Find out things that are uninteresting....
Sounds boring.
But I can guarantee you will find out something you'll cherish forever...and it'll be yet another snippet of inspiration you will be able to carry around with you....for life.
Need some evidence? I've got two stories for ya. :)
1.) This summer my mum read a book on Getting New Ideas (I forget the real title) ;) for writing, arts, literature, etc.... and one of the segments involved thinking like a child. Trust me--it helped me with my paintings. I didn't just stick with one "utensil" so to speak. Usually my art is strictly watercolour, OR pencil crayon, OR pastels. For one of my last pieces, I pushed it all together. I smudged where I didn't want to, I coloured out of the lines....I HAD NO RULES. Which is definitely stepping out of bounds for me...when it comes to the brunt of it...I can be too much of a perfectionist....and by experiencing what I didn't want to, I learned to paint in a whole new way. My next step is to move onto Acrylics.
I hate acrylic paint. :P
2.) I've started listening to new genres of music--some of which I've never heard of. If you read the tab on the right I've listed every single one of my favourite bands. It varies from Rock, Alternative, Classic, to Indie//Indie Rock//Indie Punk//Indie Electronic (Indie is one of my favourites XD) to Rap. ;)  I love how people can express their most inner feelings through music, even if it doesn't make sense, because it allows us to see things differently. We can make it what we want it to be. There are no rules.

So, you can see how easily perspectives may be changed. It's just the process of actually stepping out of your comfort zone, and working with what seems impossible.

Memo: Never lose your values though. Keep them strong, keep them well built, and never knock 'em down. It's hard because they're exercised daily. Ex. I have to maintain my walls by not listening to music with a negative perspective. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's not. Daily goals revolve around standing strong in what you believe, but at the same time caring to hear the wise thoughts of wise people.
I hope that made sense.

Winston Churchill once said, "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." To me, that pulls everything together. We keep our values, we strengthen our weaknesses, we believe in ourselves and it provides hope. We become our own inspirations.

Memo#2: Thank you Athos for that quotation. I will be sure to use it this Saturday. :) I very much do agree with your point. So so true. :)