30 Days of Devotions: Day 01

Revelations 2 & 3

Obviously, considering this is a blog, my 30 Days of Devotions is going to be personal. I feel like I've matured enough over the past two years at least, to be comfortable writing about my spiritual life and growth openly, even to readers I have never met. It is a little bit scary for me, because I am naturally a very introverted person around people I do not know. I've realized that I have trust issues around people, because not many of my "close friends" have actually stuck around in my life. There's always going to be someone who gossips, or says one thing to your face but another thing to your peers. A lot of hypocrisy has shaped me to be too judgemental of people, I'll be honest. I assume things too quickly, which is probably what planted that certain fear of people in my life. Though, it is what led me to rely on just three immediate family members: my dad, mum, and brother, because I know they will always be here for me, and they don't judge me entirely. If they are critical they always have the best advice to share with me in order to better my understanding of self, and social interaction.

Over the past year, I feel that certain situations have led to me grow dry and stale, regarding my faith. It's so different. I used to be incredibly peppy, and the kind of Christian who was "on fire for God." I still am. I would never deny the love I have for a spiritual being who has saved me from death itself. A while back I went through an incredible term of shaking fear. I couldn't sleep at night, my grades hit bottom, and I couldn't think straight, I had trouble watching certain movies, and I overanalyzed everything to a T. I began to question my faith. Thankfully that turned into a fear itself, and brought me back to common sense. I was sitting in church on one of my rock-bottom-days, and the sermon really woke me up. I won't go into detail about it today, but basically I realized what I needed to do: keep fighting for what was rightfully mine-- my faith. Something no amount of darkness had the right to take away from me.

Even so, there is a season for everything... and these past two years have been the coldest, driest winter.

Before this past week, I hadn't willingly opened my Bible for over 6 months. It's a sad fact, I'm ashamed to admit it... but these things happen. We are all human, and we are all exploring life's journey in different ways.

Monday, I just began to feel so frustrated. I am angry about a lot of things, and I'm realizing that I do not want this anger to turn into bitterness or fear. I want it to morph into love and forgiveness. It can. I know that.
Too many people in my life have shown me what a bitter life leads to, and I do not want to end up sitting back doing nothing with my life, rotting in laziness, self-religiousity, and fear. I want to live happily, exuberantly, always seizing the day!

I ended up crying. I threw myself on my bed and said, "God! I'm just so tired." Honestly, I haven't known what to really do with myself, because I'm not the same peppy person I used to be. I miss praying for people and being so spiritually alert and on guard. I feel like I've lost my balance in life.

That's when I felt the need to start this 30 Days of Devotion. At first I was just going to do it on my own personal time, privately, occasionally noting things in my journal, but then I felt prompted to blog about it. Not to get pity from readers, nor applause or a certain promotion. But to simply share about my faith. To provoke healthy conversation. To really engage in my journey. I know I'm not the only one struggling with faith, or feeling so lost in the dark.

I think it's important that we keep each other in line. I know I have friends reading this blog. And I know not everyone is going to feel comfortable commenting and sharing what they're going through. But I'm really encouraging it. That is what faith is about, I am learning.

Having read the scripture listed above today, I felt like this part of my faith adventure is where I put my faith into action.

That night when I cried out, "God! I'm just so tired," I asked for a piece of scripture. I don't know what it is (I mean I do), but every time I do that I get word right away. Usually. And this time I heard "Revelations 2 & 3."

So I read, I listened, I cried.

It's not good to be silent when you have potential. And we all have potential. So this is me just acting on what I feel like I'm supposed to do.

As part of these devotions I will also be including snippets of My Challenge for the Week. It will add up, because there's a devotion a day, and a challenge per day/per week. But that's a good thing! It aids in establishing a good foundation for our faith.

Having said that:

My Challenge for the Week:

Stop being so critical of others and their actions. Instead, look at the mirror (figuratively) and examine what needs to be changed in my own life. What am I doing wrong? How does this silently say. "I love God, therefore I love you," to others? It's important to note that I should not take on a self-religious spirit. Just love. Love love love. Explore the concept of righteous love and what it really means on a day-to-day basis. Practice new ways of loving those around me. Show love off. That's what we're here for.

I'd appreciate any feedback! I want to hear your thoughts. How are you growing? What are you doing to challenge yourself? What do Revelations 2 & 3 mean to you? What did you learn?