I Don't Think I Can Explain This Very Well

And I don't know if I want to. No.
Details will remain unsaid.

But, all in all I've found myself questioning too much. "Is this real, is that? Is anything?" Very ridiculous, but it's been pretty hard. I haven't written very much because I've been trying to get my head on straight. Over the past few weeks, I've even questioned my faith.....

I guess a lot of people do.
But I've never wanted to come to this stance-point.
It's a super different change... and I'm pretty sure Theory of Knowledge Class doesn't help. (Hence why I'm dropping it for 2011-2012).
I've feared so much in the past few weeks.
So....in rebel against all this, I've been reading a lot of scriptures from the Bible....all dealing with how the love of God is so powerful, protective, and amazing.

I hate TOK for making me question everything....and yes....it's made me question even this. But I'm pressing on. I really am.
And somehow, I just know that God's using this to strengthen me......and I'm pretty sure this is that part in life where I can choose to take the high road or the low road.

Yes, this is definitely one of those challenges where I have to put everything in God's hands.
It's hard.
It's that spiritual part of Christianity where everything relies on you allowing the Holy Spirit to move....allowing Jesus to take my life and rule 100% of it. Yeah, the Word backs up a lot of it.....(hope this is making sense to you, Reader), but so much of this has been spiritually supernatural for me.

But....I just know that in the end I'll make it out.
Sometimes my days are super cheery, and sometimes it's a battlefield in my mind where I have to put on the Armour of God (having realized how powerful it really is!) and charge at every thing that's so distracting.

But...I just know that this is a test I'll pass. I have to. I must.
I've been trying to read a lot of the Word to get focused and remind myself that I'm not the only one who's gone/going through this. It's working.

I just have to push past that disgusting spirit of fear a lot, and wake up realizing that God is real. We can't see Him, but He's alive. He is.

Man. It feels good to have finally let some of it out.

Memo: If you're feeling burdened, not joking, it helps to speak up. As much as you don't want to, it helps to get it over with.