You know what I can't stand about university? Everyone's out with a thirst to prove themselves. The thing is, I feel like I've already proven myself. Simply put, if you don't know what I've proven or who I am deep inside, then you don't reserve the right to judge me.

All I've learned this semester is that the work force and university do not imply any room for self. It's about how well you can impress someone. All these judgementalists with a thirst to prove and impress.

I Could Climb All The Trees in the World And Never . . .

It's funny how, in one moment in time, I thought you were perfect. You gave me wisdom and insight into things I did not know about. Today, I look back and see this as a gradual breaking of my innocence. Your language was something I did not understand. Now I see it for what it is: A tool you merely use to hide your shame and lies and deceit and misunderstandings and fear and loss.

I am sorry, today. I am sorry that I have had to lose someone I've looked up to for so long. I am sorry that you are in such a dark place, seething over lost truths and simple misunderstandings. I am sorry that you do not have the wisdom I have highly associated you with. I am sorry that you are full of sadness and bitterness.

I want to take all those swarming bees around your head and give you lots and lots of honey. That is what you need.

Honey.

Unfortunately that is something only you can make for yourself.

And until you erase condescending judgements, your vitality will weaken.

You will plunder in fear, until you address what is wrong.

You plunder in fears because you do not address what is wrong.


Today I've learned something from you, despite your vindictiveness. I've learned that wisdom does not come with age.

It comes with an open heart, mind, and soul.

I've learned to never fear, for it will probably drive one insane, as it is to you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I am losing you.

The End of An Era

The evening is cool and crisp.
I can see the stars.
Alas, I can see more than the stars.

The Darkest of Your Own Self

We are all so wrapped up in a facade. Warped by these ideas of perfection and sanity and education and wisdom.

We generalize too easily.

We judge too quickly.

I pity the people who raise themselves so high on pedestals of pride, for one day they will crumble and break. You raise yourselves so high above the "lowest of lows" that you do not realize that one day, when it is far too late, you will be the lowest of lows.... and nobody will be there for you but the darkest of your own self.

I pity you.

"In my return back through the passage, I heard the same words repeated twice over; and looking up, I saw it was a starling hung in a little cage.—'I can’t get out—I can’t get out,' said the starling. 

I stood looking at the bird: and to every person who came through the passage it ran fluttering to the side towards which they approach’d it, with the same lamentation of its captivity.—'I can’t get out,' said the starling.—God help thee! said I, but I’ll let thee out, cost what it will; so I turn’d about the cage to get to the door; it was twisted and double twisted so fast with wire, there was no getting it open without pulling the cage to pieces.—I took both hands to it.
The bird flew to the place where I was attempting his deliverance, and thrusting his head through the trellis, press’d his breast against it, as if impatient.—I fear, poor creature! said I, I cannot set thee at liberty.—'No,' said the starling—'I can’t get out—I can’t get out,' said the starling."

~ A Sentimental Journey Through France and Italy, Laurence Sterne (1713-1768). 

I have not written in a while.

I did not keep up with my devotions.

This doesn't make me a bad person.

It makes me human.

Human.

To feel. To be burdened. To love. To forgive. To forget. To honour. To dishonour. To see. To listen. To be blind. To not hear. To understand. To ignore. To fight. To lose. To create. To destroy. To build. To break down. To heat. To freeze. To fly. To fall.

We are all our own heroes.

We are all our own villains.

The earth's rivers flow by our tears. The earth's mountains sink by our anger. The earth's heat arises from our lust.

This world eats its own self away, because of us.