I took this year off thinking by September 2013, I'd know what I'd be doing with my life, university wise.

But I don't know what I want to do.

Perhaps I never will, and my whole life is meant to be an adventure, jumping into abyss, hoping all the time that my feet will land on solid ground.

I'm worried. It feels like the pit of my stomach is being clenched. My mind is reeling. Thoughts are spinning.

But I heard this verse.

It popped into my head in the midst of my chaotic worrying.

Psalm 18.

So it's more like the entire chapter is exactly what I've been needing to hear.

Especially this part:

"You cleared the ground under me so my footing was firm."

To me I've come up with a connotation; connotation because I'm not definite as to what the Psalmist was referring...

That though everything feels like chaos, and the ground beneath me feels as though it has been swept away... It is all to be used to bring me closer to God.

Might I trust and keep faith enough to walk upon the treacherous waves, and not drown beneath them.

Someone once said that you have to keep your eyes on Jesus in order to walk on water; not to concentrate so hard on troubles, but have faith that God's got everything under control.


I'm just learning how difficult it really is.

Or is it.... How difficult I am making it out to be.

The typhoons circle in, taking with them my heart, throwing it up into the Heavens.

Chugging Along

I am always thinking.

It's like you're on this train with me.

Only you're the caboose.
I'm the engine...

Will I have to lose you in order to carry on up this hill ?

I have this passion.

A passion for perfection.

But perfection needs trust.

And I probably don't trust as much as I should.

No.

I don't trust easily.

And that has become my next personal goal.

Trust more.

Be less judgemental.

As loss of trust has caused me to become so judgemental.

How I'm to reverse it, I question.

But I'll figure it out.

Somehow the curtain will be pulled.

Today I found myself working and thinking poetic thoughts.
They're just memories now.
I don't remember those profound words I told myself.

Maybe because I like talking myself in and out of things.

For the sake of love.

Je ne sais pas.

Maybe time away does make the heart grow fonder, because you forget all the negatives... all the reasons why; one focuses on why not.

Is it out of desperation or out of love?

Words To You.

I don't want to waste my life regretting what I have not said.

I don't want to regret saying what I have not said.

So I sit back.

Pondering the objections and projections of an unlikely love.

A question.

An exclamation.

"Come hell or high water you will never take me back to the place I was before. I have been through too much to let life whoop me again. My faith is stronger than it's ever been, my mind is more tenacious than it's ever been, my soul is more absolute." - T.D. Jakes

A good reminder to get me where I want to be.

"Faith becomes a bridge between where I am and where I want to go-- it is a substance." -T.D. Jakes